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EmChen321
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Name: Emily
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Birthday: 3/21/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: counseling, undergrad research, volunteering,
sleeping, vegging out in front of computer or TV, reading, tennis, horseback riding, crazy dancing =D
Expertise: procrastination. BIG time. goddamn.
and ironically, making to-do lists that never are done
Occupation: Student
Industry: Medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Xiaomeimei321
MSN: Luckyqtemi@hotmail.com
Member Since:
6/4/2002
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| There have been a lot of things I have been meaning to blog about. Like the taxi driver who had a huge conspiracy theory that our country was being infiltrated with ex-kgb officers and that the fall of the soviet union was a big publicity stunt. Or the nice girl I met on the subway who had the same Michael Kors bag as I did and then showed me pictures from the Betsy Johnson fashion show. Or how I am blowing all my money on taxis and clothing and food because I am an idiot. Or the crazy charlie horses i've been getting at 4 am int he morning. Or the really brave patients I've been encountering in the neuro ward. And soon I will have to post all these great responses I got when me and my roommates posted a prank craigslist ad. But first, I find it essential to demonstrate my love for Sharon K. by posting this GChat conversation we had this evening (it's a bit curse word filled, so be warned). In all likelihood, no one will find this conversation hilarious except me and her. So don't even bother reading it. I am just blogging it because it is the best example of why I am going to miss her so much when she goes to England, and in case my computer crashes, I will always have the intarwebs to refer to.
Sharon: never bother me during anything britney related!!!! me: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU HEINOUS BITCH Sharon: EAT ME 8:05 PM me: no thanks. you don't appreciate my efforts. Sharon: yea cuz you suck at it me: not as much as you do 8:06 PM whatever we all know i win this argument send me the link to the video bitch 8:14 PM me: omg i love itl. Sharon: so good 8:16 PM me: JESUS i will never not like britney spears 8:17 PM Sharon: me neither i am always rooting for her no matter what she could be a crack whore who becomes a serial killer and id still be like "come on guys britney is hot" 8:20 PM me: AMEN like when she shaved her head 8:21 PM whatever i will still blast sometimes and watch that music video wtih the stupid beach ball Sharon: i have no britney on my ipod and it sucks haha ahahaha my favorite was when she danced on the chair and wore all black i cant even remember which video that was 8:22 PM me: DUH well ok not duh but the chair dance i believe is stronger Sharon: yes!!! me: BOOYAH Sharon: omg i wish i could go to a club where they only played britney and just get drunk and dance my pants off 8:23 PM me: ROFL i think i'm going to add that to my "about me" section Sharon: haha you fucking love it you would go too DONT DENY IT 8:24 PM me: taht's why it's going into my ABOUT ME Sharon: haha 8:27 PM fuck i have to make dinner i hate how since i dont have a job if i dont make dinner for streeter he will automatically think im a cunt me: ROFL OMG that ALSO needs to be in my favorite quotes you are on a roll tongiht Sharon: apparently i am on a roll! 8:28 PM wow omg we did not just do that me: STOP READING MY THOUGHTS Sharon: GET OUT OF MY PUSSY I MEAN BRAIN WHAT?
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| Instead of working on my med school applications, I browsed some popular Cornell groups and came upon a group dedicated to a new sex columnist, Jenna B. I did enjoy Heather Grantham, but I've got to say, I might just like Jenna B even more. The fact that she calls male genitalia "peen" really REALLY really REALLY made my day. It's become my new favorite word, along with "beej" from Sharon. Here's a quote from on of her articles:
"Please, talented, ambitious, beautiful Cornell ladies: take advantage
of the brilliant, hard-working guys who roam the sidewalks of our fair
campus while you still can. Once you get out into the “real world,” a
staggering amount of dudes you will encounter wear trucker hats and
don’t know the difference between your and you’re. Put down your vat of
Tasti for 30 seconds and just think about what I’m saying."
The whole article was talking about dating in college and the girls' usual gripes, such as boys asking at 1 am to watch a movie. When I think about undergraduate dating in my circle, I think about the three year long relationships that budded from freshman year. To be honest, "dates" didn't quite exist the way they do now in the city. Having dinner and a movie with someone was as simple as meeting up at RPCC and waiting in line at mongo grill together and then dling something off of DC++ and watching it on someone's laptop. Walks alone together could be accomplished by skipping to the circumference of bebe lake, and sleepovers didn't even require bringing over toothbrushes because you didn't even have to leave your building. Back then, though this might just be the case with my friends, there wasn't "the talk" of exclusivity. It was as simple as well, you kissed me and we've been hanging out one on one for a while now and I know you like me, so I am now your official girlfriend. This is not to say that there were no unfortunate hook ups or one night stands existing on North Campus, but freshman year I did have that innocence that I would NEVER sleep with someone one night and not talk to them again. Dates weren't really necessary, at least not as much as sitting in mews west lounge watching your boyfriend doing his math 293 homework and secretly practicing your signature with his last name. The only time dates were ever really mentioned were when Valentine's day came around and many of us went into panic mode because this was the first time it was to be celebrated properly.
And now, it's been a year since graduation, and it's comical to believe that I ever thought that way. Jenna B was right, the real world is full of fools, and while they might know the difference between your and you're, it's so hard to find someone who is as similar to you as the Cornellians you were surrounded by for four years. No libraries, no dining halls, nor any dorm rooms at your convenience, thus formal dates are the only means to get to know someone. Which really sucks, because at least in a college setting there is a casual air in the beginning that makes for quick and easy exits. But with dates I feel like there's some absurd added pressure that there has to be something romantically accomplished by the end of the night. Not only that, but dates are so specific. There has to be a specific time, an address, a set time, a certain outfit even to be arranged. It can't be as nice as, oh hi, I bumped into you in the ag quad in my sweats with no make up, but let's go grab some Gimme because Seattle's best (beast) is so lame. Not only that, but often times dates are in date-y areas which may include shouting over loud music or waiting in line for hours.
I think the worst part of dating in the real world is the utter lack of background knowledge that one has to start off with. At least at Cornell, you knew that the person is probably a smart decent human being, else he wouldn't have gotten into Cornell. (don't argue with me on this, ok, I'm sure there are a billion duchebags up on campus in Ithaca, but compared to the creeps here, they are not so bad). At least when you find out his major, you probably know someone he's had a class with and it's a spring board. Or maybe both of you have taken psych 101 at some point and laugh at Maas' multitude of hot blond TAs. You will have some favorite spots in collegetown that the other person has heard of, and you will both have your favorite nook in the library to compare notes about. Outside of academia, the amount of things in common drastically changes. I can talk about my love of sliding down libe slope only to be looked back at with blank stares. And it gets fucking awkward because while I pride myself on being able to carry on conversation, I didn't realize how much easier it was in college until now. I'll admit that I'm pretty lost sometimes as to what to talk about with someone I don't know very much about, and you can only ask questions for so long without sounding like an interviewer.
Let's add to this my complete utter lack of knowledge about casual dating. Even when I TRIED to have a casual temporary relationship it ended up with him having his own drawer at my place. So this whole "even if you are sleeping with someone you are not exclusive thing" was a bit baffling at first. It didn't fit the romantic part of me. It seemed like everything had to be approached like a game: play hard to get, play sex kitten then play conservative, sleep with him but don't text him for three days. And while I've made the adjustments in the way I approached dating to fit the 23 year old standard, I think I might miss falling in love with a boy without dating him, and unabashedly displaying affection by coming over day after day unannounced because you had no shame (and 24 was just so much better with his corny jokes and cute insistence on avoiding the teaser at the end of the episode to avoid spoilers.) No gimmicks, it was as simple as "I think I'm happier as a person when you are around, so I am going to spend as much time with you as possible." Three of my friends have found this this year, but there were still those difficult games to get through before getting to the point where true intentions were revealed. The older we get, the harder it is to trust someone and let them in. I should have found my soulmate when I was 14.
final thought: what the FUCK is the point of kissing a girl goodbye at the end of the one night stand?! There you are, standing in his or your doorway, with a look of either relief or disappointment or both in your eyes, and when you lock eyes both of you know that you will more than likely never speak again. Still, there's that gentlemanly smile and that sweet lean in and an inevitable closed mouth kiss goodbye that sing out all the good intentions that never existed. It's so fake, and it's particularly brutal if it's one person might have accidentally fallen in love with the other in the four hours they spent together. And yet it seems to be in the code of honor of every boy, despite any real meaning behind it. Ok, sure, if there was no kiss goodbye I would pretty pissed as well, but when I think of the ridiculousness of that goodbye kiss from a one night stand, it makes me want kick a guy in the balls.
It's all good though. I am about to go to bed with an incredibly cute, albeit young male who won't take up all the room in my bed and he has my heart right now. Even though he's incredibly hyper and psycho at points, as well as an attention whore. At least he's easily amused: he gets excited over ceiling fans and wiggling toes. But he keeps trying to walk across the keyboard while I type this.
cheers,
Em
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| BAD producers! BAD BAD producers! No! Bad producers! We don't take a perfectly formatted concept and change it to garbage, that's WRONG! BAD!
The idea of beauty and the geek was simple, take people from different worlds (and subsequently, different genders) and the work TOGETHER to help each other and learn to become more adept in the real world. There have been really strong teams in the past (Cher and Josh, for example) who grew so well and really appreciated each other. Nothing would have been achieved if it weren't for the pairing and teamwork of a beauty and the geek. This set up was nearly flawless.
until the CW fucked it up. Now it's Beauty Vs. Geeks. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY SUPPOSED TO LEARN FROM EACH OTHER NOW? I mean really, before the beauties HAD to help the geeks with new skills, now they will not help because the geeks are their competition. How the fuck will geeks have their confidence levels raised if they get dominated by dumb beauties? (who apparently can't tell time. Jesus Christ what a fuckup.) How the fuck to beauties appreciate geeks when they are working together AGAINST them (just like in real life?). I am REALLY disappointed with this season, even though Jim is from Cornell and I'm so proud that we are totally dominating reality tv. America's top model, BATG, Apprentice... not to mention we now are in the NCAA tournament (and Hockey has proved dominant in my undergrad years). Clearly, we are the best Ivy League, whatever, you other ivies can suck my dick. I get so THRILLED when I see Jim b/c he was in my linguistics section for a little bit and it's like knowing a celebrity.
Anyway, the show is now set up to defeat the purpose of becoming more than the beauty and the geek. The writers should not have been on strike, they should've been fired. And then anally raped with a stick. On fire.
I'd also like to mention that the geeks were already at a disadvantage because Greg is gay and therefor has smaller demographic to work from for getting numbers. IDIOT PRODUCERS. Though the makeunders were good, all the girls learned was that they should rely on their beauty more, because being ugly makes everything so much harder. (yeah, i know the psych studies prove this to be scientifically true, but it's just such an ignorant concept). AND that concept was STOLEN from season's two and season three's challenges for beauties and geeks respectively.
Next week, how they fuck they plan to keep it at a level playing field is beyond me.
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| I am a grouch and an optimist. This is why this xanga is borderline bi-polar.
First of all, I'd like to make sure everyone knows that I am not against fat people. Everyone has their plus qualities and some people cannot help the way they look anymore than I can help being short. That being said, I do think that physical shortcomings come with the burden of making extra efforts to fit in. I cannot wear comfortable flats lest I look like a 12 year old with a big push up bra. The obese have to learn to sit in chairs made for average size people. Or at least, try to squeeze enough against the window or aisle armrest so that he/she does not take up more than his or her seat. OR PAY FOR TWO GODDAMN SEATS. I mean, just because I am small does not give you the luxury of spanning over 1.47 seats giving me a measly 53% of a seat left. I am not half the average size. AND I paid for the full seat. And I'd like to be able to have some wiggle room so I can stretch or readjust if need be. And I CANNOT do this if your fatass elbow is in my face. FUCKING CHRIST how fat are you that you go beyond the available space of a bus seat? And this is not the local Manhattan buses, I am talking about the nice coach USA seats for that long trip to Ithaca. There is unfortunately no middle armrest on these seats so you can't have an obvious divider. So once the bus makes any sort of mildly sharp turn i get a face full of lard skin all up in my grill. WHAT. THEFUCK. CONTROL YOUR BLUBBER. At least be aware of your HUGE inconvenience and say sorry. or get your stapled stomach. OR PAY ME FOR THE FRACTION OF MY SEAT YOU ARE TAKING UP. What made the bus ride home worse was a) the smell of the sandwich the fatass was eating b) the horrible cologne he was wearing. I seriously am going to wear a fat suit next time i am on the bus. Because you know one fatty cannot sit next to another fatty. God I know this is so mean but the situation really was awful for me. It's one thing to be fat and an inconvenience to yourself. It's another to be fat and be an inconvenience to others.
On the plus side, Ithaca was fantastic. I have not had a single weekend free since January 5th, and being able to sit around for three whole days with absolutely no obligations and HBO on demand was fantastic. I am ashamed to admit that I didn't realize The Last King of Scotland was in fact, NOT about Scotland. I was waiting for Forrest Whittaker to come out with a Scottish accent and then they threw me into Uganda. My bad. I also am ashamed to admit that I watched The Lakehouse and Matrix Revolution and enjoyed them both immensely. (almost as much as pornucopia 6, which is not actually porn, but a Q&A about porn.) I caught bits and pieces of a number of other movies, including gremlins (oh what an amazing classic). Rob and I caught soulive on Saturday, and interestingly enough they played in Brooklyn on Friday (maybe they took the same bus up as me! ha.) and I got my fill of Plum Tree's Tuna with Yuzu sauce (complete with HALF an avacado) Jimmy Johns, Hals, and of course, Garcias. New York has amazing restaurants but something about these Ithaca classics really get to me. Maybe it's all the memories associated with them: Sue and I ordering the same thing every time we got plum tree until they know me by name; the first time Krystal and I got Jimmy Johns and I proceeded to order from them for two straight weeks (thanks to Keith Chu, of course); Ordering Hals on lazy Sunday mornings with Sachin because we were still either too sleepy or hungover to go out to grab something to eat, and getting really drunk with Sue over frozen margaritas when Garcia's got it's liquor license and laughing SO hard at some poor unfortunate man and then BLASTING "summer love" and singing it in Sachin's car. One thing NYC will never have is hughes greasy burgers. Mikey's melt will ALWAYS hold a special place in my heart, there's something about the way he makes them, it's just the best burger ever. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cornell dining: Trilliam's and Statler's salads, Ivy Room grilled cheese, RPCC brunch, Duffield's sundried tomato dressing..... OMG FOOD. If I make enough money to give back to Cornell, half goes to a new biology building and half goes to a new dining hall.
But I do love NYC more and more. There is something fantastic about being so close to everything you ever want, be it a park or a restaurant or a drug store or movies or shopping or a museum or a gallery or a Broadway show, is within walking distance (plus the use of buses and subways, of course.) I love my location because the red, blue, and yellow lines all are within ten minutes of me. So is Central park, and so is penn station and port authority. I can be home in an hour, walk to a bus to Ithaca, and get up or downtown with complete ease (cross town is a little bit more tricky, but I'm getting the hang of it.) I love the luxury of literally no burdens (until, of course, I buckle down and start my med school aps) and the freedom of doing whatever I want with my nights with no limitations of location or exams the next day. I love that so many really great friends are available so that I'm never alone. It's a lot more annoying than walking down college ave to get together, but there's a lot more things to do with them besides beer pong and video games. Now that I have time and energy (probably gained from consistent gym use and really early bedtimes) I have an ever growing list of things I want to do, and it's terribly exciting. Catching movies doesn't require taxis and carpooling anymore, nor do restaurants (and how awesome is restaurant week?!) or trips to banana republic. I also love my apartment so much, it's a haven after gallery hopping where we can grab pizza and chips and watch the superbowl.
Speaking of which, FUCK YEAH. FUCK. YEAH. While part of me feels stupid about being happy because I am not a die hard Giants fan nor would I mind the idea of a Patriot's perfect season, I am THRILLED the Giants won. I think it's the whole underdog, david and goliath thing. I really REALLY am so proud of the way they played and my daddy was so happy and Gpal, Meera and I were shouting so loudly... it was the best superbowl ever. Happy times!
I love Gpal and Meera. I love my small asian girl going out crew too. I love brunches with my favorite future dentist. I love my coworkers who make going to work as fun as summer camp. I love my cornell alums who have migrated to the city with me. And actually, now when I'm surrounded by people I love, I LOVE BEING ALONE. When you have such easy access to everyone, being alone is actually a lot easier. I am so ok with staying at home and watching a movie by myself with my leftover chipotle (newest food crush) that it's ridiculous. I'm finally ok in my own skin and no longer depend on a safety net of friends to help me cope. Sunday night I rented "Happy Feet" and ate leftover pizza and felt completely content. In Ithaca being alone would bum me out and I would begin to feel sorry for myself and spend hours online trying to talk to someone or call someone to go hang out at their place. Now I crave a day where I can wake up, do some cleaning, and watch episode after episode of project runway (christian is def fave, but Chris is adorably hilarious too.). and I don't have to talk to a single person. It's amazing. Being single is amazing. I love being able to sleep in, or wake up early without having to worry about the other person sleeping in your bed. I used to be so bored if I wasn't somewhat involved with at least one person emotionally, but now I keep myself company. I laugh by myself. I cry by myself. I sing and dance in my underwear to Tom Jones and wiggle my butt and then spend about three hours on LOLCATS because it's what I feel like doing.
speaking of which, random tangent, if you are ever in a crappy mood, www.icanhascheezburger.com is amazing and wonderful. and speaking of wiggling butts, I have no idea what makes a sexy butt. Going to gym has made my butt... I dunno, tighter? but I have no idea if it falls into the realm of desired bottoms. I mean, i know what makes for good breasts (perky and good curvature), legs (long), arms (toned), abs (flat), face (eyes, smile, hair), but butt? Do they want round and jutting out? flat and hard as rocks? I feel like the more I work my gluts the smaller and smaller it gets until my butt will just look like an extension of my hamstrings. Is this good? Is this bad? Do I want a badunkadunk or buns of steel? I really don't know how to judge good butts. Well, except on men. Football players. In those tight tight pants. Exceptional pieces of ass, literally. except, um, the fat ones. sorry.
But back to being alone. Don't I ever get lonely? Well, I think I miss spooning and having that one person to tell your bigs and smalls to. But wait, I have the latter, and any puppy or kitty would suffice for the former. Alpha, our PI's Bernese mountain dog would be the perfect size for man substitute to be big spoon with. (i may have tried him out for size in the office, but we'll keep that a secret.) I suppose one could miss being in love, but I've come to the point where I'm at enough peace to just appreciate the wonderful moments of past loves and the ability to love another that I don't find myself missing it much. Valentine's day has come and gone, and I found myself unbelievably happy on Thursday. I was so happy that I was fortunate to have two amazing valentine's days in my past, both which mean the world to me. Many if not most have had a Valentine and some nice dinner, but I'd like to boast that I had something more meaningful than a typical hallmark version of candy and roses. On my Valentine's days, I felt so blessed to share my everythings with the person sitting across from me. It wasn't a day of presents as it was a day of thanksgiving. Thanks that you found someone who cares about your boo-boos on your knees and your A+ on your test. It wasn't really about the setting (though both were very nice dinners) but really about the moment when you can look across at the person in front of you and feel in love, feel it choke you up in the back of your throat, feel it flipflop your stomach and feel it soothe all those little worries and annoyances away. I felt that everything was right with the world on Valentine's day. People dismiss Valentine's day as some creation of hallmark, which it may very well be. But I think that it can also serve as a reminder in our constantly busy lives, a "hey, you have someone here special to you and you are their someone and they are your someone and that is an incredibly fortunate thing and you should take some time with this person and appreciate them and let your guard down for once and be mushy and sickly sweet because sometimes we miss our chance to make that person realize that they are your baby." Also, all this crap about men being screwed over needs to stop. SO MANY of my girlfriends spend just as much money, if not more on their boyfriends on Valentine's day. It's equal. and it's about the thoughts more the possessions for us, so don't think we are some materialistic bitches. If you made something that cost nothing but took weeks to make, then it's priceless. So anyway, I assumed I would be bummed as hell when Thursday came around, but I actually was in the mood to play cheesy songs and reminisce and be happy. I felt as I did on Valentine's past, that everything was right with the world. I also got a beautiful card from Josh and a cute valentine from Jenny and candy and brownies from my boss and some other surprises, as well as leftover goodies from other people's valentine's gifts. All this sugar and I didn't have to be in a relationship, SWEET. (haha, pun intended.) Oh how I love chocolate. and fruit snacks. Like sour punch straws. OH MAN SOUR PUNCH STRAWS ARE THE BEST. as are granny smith apples. and mango chicken from pinang... I LOVE FOOD OMG FOOD YES.
sorry. I'm pregnant, so food is constantly on my mind. I am getting a free cholesterol screening from Rockefeller in march and I'm kind of excited to see if my HDL levels are great. Oh exercise.
Speaking of which, I've come across a lot of "sponsor me for walk of ________ for the fight against _______." Ok. Why should I pay you to walk a couple of miles? This is not a service to me, it's like paying you to help yourself. You are not giving me cookies or washing my car. You are going for a nice walk. I am ok with donating ten dollars to help breast cancer. But let's call it that, A DONATION. not this "i'm your sponsor, and i'll give you a dollar for every mile you walk" crap. No, why don't you just ask me for money, and you take a walk for your own good. It's not so much the event as the concept that bothers me. Sponsors are for like, athletes that want to do the Olympics. maybe i'm missing something.
You know what else I'm missing? ASIANNESS. I hate people making peace signs. I don't like anime. I cannot speak taiwanese or mandarin. My face doesn't even fit with asians. Sachin told me that no one in Taiwan looks like me. And I believe it. I have a face that I don't think any other asian has. It makes no sense, both my parents look ASIAN. But my face... it's not round nor is it small and delicate. It's heart shaped! no asian has a heart shaped face! Look at a picture of me. and then think of a typical asian faces. I don't have it. I mean, I look like I am of the asian race, but something is off. Somehow, American born Asians don't look like fobs. but we both have fob parents. I don't know if it's braces (JUST KIDDING) or the water but something in our faces scream out AMERICAN BORN CHINESE and I can't put my finger on what it is. And I think it's an American thing to; Canadian born Asians look more like native asians than American born ones. I don't know, but the more I look at my face, the more I feel like if I had a bigger nose I could pass for a Caucasian.
OH before I forget. I saw a lady walking a dog on the way to the NRW 60th street stop. Walking the dog isn't what caught my attention. It was the fact that she also had another pet with her. Her cat was perched on her shoulder like a parrot. And it had amazing balance. Apparently since it was five weeks old she's been training it to balance on her head/shoulder/back. and it was just sitting there, though NYC traffic, like it was an everyday thing. amazing. Just as amazing as breakdancing kids on the subway. BREAKDANCING. WIth all that jerky motion. I saw a boy get tossed up and he slammed his head on the ceiling and continued dancing. I had to give money to that.
To conclude this monster of a xanga entry, some questions I've been pondering:
I've been known to skip the gym and hiphop occasionally. and i feel an impossible amount of guilt when I go to bed. But sometimes if you are exhausted you need a break to avoid working out so that you get the flu and have to skip. Where do you draw the line between being lazy and giving yourself a well deserved break? How does one find the breaking point, especially when we've been known to do things to excess (drinking, studying, procrastinating.)?
Can you have passion in love without the drama? I feel that passion brings out the irrational and thus comes out some mistake moves and inevitable drama. But would you trade the passion for calm? I don't think I could, not because I'm a drama queen (ok, maybe I am) but because if you don't have that "can't live without you" passion for that person you're with, what's the point? Or maybe I'm still too immature to appreciate calm without qualms?
Then again, I feel as we get older, we start to develop games with the person we're with. Not everyone, but more and more it's less innocent and naive "I just want to make that person happy" and more about "keeping that edge, playing your cards right, having the ball in your court." When did it turn into manipuation? Why can't it be as easy as I love you, you love me, we do our best to be as content as possible together? Now it's about showing that person that they are not your top priority so you don't look desperate and making them need you more than you need them and all this BULLSHIT. It's important to never lose yourself in a relationship, but there is nothing wrong with doting on someone you love and how is "desperation" if you just want to spend time with a person who makes you most happy? Maybe, again, I'm still too immature to get that adulthood is all about the mask your wear.
Last not least, where is the line between accepting the faults of your loved one and settling for someone beneath you? I've approached this before, my whole pondering of the phrase "you can do better" and the humongous uncertainty that comes along with that statement. But opposite of "dumping the best you ever had" is s"elling yourself short because you are afraid." I wish there was a way to know your limits and know what's the optimum man I can expect. I think I have my prototype down, but my standards could be too high. There is no one really reliable to tell me if they are too ridiculous. When do you stop excusing all the faults and annoyances? You should never have to deal with intolerable treatment, but every relationship requires compromise. Blah.
last thought:
People should not wait to be happy. It should not be a "once I get this job I will be happy." or "once I'm married I'll truly be happy." You need to be happy now. Every day have some moment where you feel gleeful. Because otherwise there's no point in life. Make the best of what you have, look at the bright side of everything, heck, believe that everything happens for a reason if you need to (I do.) But if you are waiting to be happy it won't happen the way you want it to. Count blessings. And don't just do it, really believe in it, really be glad you don't have a sprained ankle and be thankful you're not blind. You have your health and a sound mind and good company and it's such a bleak world without them. I dunno, I feel like so much is dwelled on negative that people should do the self-help book mantra thing and look in the mirror and be ok with the reflection and look at their life and say "if I died tomorrow, I am totally satisfied with my life." It's ok to be sad. It's good to be sad. but never let it get a hold of you, always find time to be happy about something too. Not just a little happy, but REALLY happy. You should burst out laughing at least twice a day. It's as essential as a vitamin.
It's about the journey, not the destination. Cliche, but so so so important.
Sorry this entry is as fat as the person crushing me on the bus ride home,
Em
P.S. LOST IS AMAZING. SO IS PROJECT RUNWAY. SO IS NIP/TUCK. so is apparently so you think you can dance: australia.
P.P.S. I love my jobs, both teaching and research. Can't wait to start volunteering, and still working on my hiphop.
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| This is a slightly annoying entry as I am in a bad mood and still sick.
A whole week has gone by and I really feel about 50% of capacity. Meera and Gpal came by yesterday to cheer me up and it helped tremendously, and I was lifted in my spirits that I'm going to fully recover by Thursday (today). Only to wake up yet again exhausted and coughing more frequently and with very very bizarre and painful cramps in my intestines. Some wacked flu has invaded my body, and what started off as normal sore throat/runny nose/fever turned into complete indigestion constant weariness and constant migraine and constant nausea and a bad cough with the runny nose lingering. I haven't had something last this long since like... middle school or something. I don't even get what kind of flu this is really, what I mostly feel is like I've been playing dizzy bats for 14 hours straight and so I feel like I'm walking in the ocean: completely off balance. The good news is I have amazing co-workers that call me all the time and make sure I'm ok and have really helped me out this week. They are so so amazing and wonderful and I love them to death and they make me feel special.
I have been missing a lot of hiphop b/c of this. DAMNIT, how do I perfect my moves now. I've been thinking about hip/hop for a while, and I realized I have no special talent. Like, my instructor has been working on this her entire life and now she can do all sorts of amazing moves and gets to be on MTV and really has something to show for it. I really don't have anything that I've dedicated my whole life to that I can show off. Oooh, I know the how ATP works. yeah, the average citizen will be so envious of that. I really wish I had something that everyone could watch and then I could be like, yes, I put years and years into this and it's finally paid off. I don't have a blackbelt I can't draw I can't dance I can't swim fast... i know wah wah wah cry me a river. I had the violin but I quit. But even then, good violinists are a dime a dozen in the tri-state area... look at NJ's all state orchestra. ridiculous. I hate being another face in the crowd, I want some crazy talent and then be able to go on a TV show with it. I guess everyone does. the point is, I wish I could show off something with my life. UGH this is too depressing. let's move on to angry.
my apartment is a fucking sauna. GODDAMNIT you guys know how I can't STAND the heat. Now it's ALWAYS 81 degrees in my room WITH my windows open. why? because my apartment is STEAM HEATED. how fucking ghetto is that shit. So there's one big pipe going through every apartment, so there's no way to control the temp from apartment to apartment. I've had to have my A/C on at one point. people think it's so nice to come home to a piping hot room, NO. It's not nice that as soon as I walk in I have to strip off all my clothes for a little bit of relief. Ithaca was NEVER this stupid, and it's in the middle of no where. NYC, you disappointed me AGAIN.
vent complete.
Some positive shorties:
I really like teaching at Kaplan. I like teaching in general. A lot.
We had an amazing girl's night at my house in NJ while my family was on vacation. If anyone is feeling blue (and is a girl) get you and your girlfriends to an empty house away from the city with three bottles of wine and lots of junk food (ice cream bars, cookies, doritoes, chocolates, pretzels, cheesy poofs, etc) and play never ever have I ever. best weekend so far. especially having a partially lazy sunday dimsum and shopping in downtown Westfield. I heart my town. (yeah, i used heart as a verb, deal with it.)
I'm going to a fall-out boy concert next week. awesome. I'm also I'm looking forward to next weekends Cornell 07 brunch and then seeing avenue Q with Kana.
BATG5 casting is in Ithaca this weekend. I WANT TO BE THERE DAMNIT.
Gossip Girl is so freaking entertaining. I love it. Nip/Tuck is not bad either. And heroes just got good this week.
Cornell was one of the six schools to finish the DARPA urban challenge. it's pretty frickin cool.
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